The Girl Who is Fed Up With Bras

It's a well-documented problem. Girls and bras and bras and girls. I have a drawer full of bras which looked beautiful on hangers in shops, but when on they make bits stick out and squash under and it is all disastrous and not even marginally alluring. So, yes, The Girl Who is fed up with bras. So much so, that she has, after much pondering, come up with a solution. You will find yourself wanting to follow the steps below for your own, easy to fit, problem free, mammary supporter (this is NOT the same as mammary fan, despite the phrase 'football supporter' being similar to 'football fan'. A mammary fan is, in fact, a member of a very specialist group, which is probably found gathered around an iPad playing the Breasts section of PornHub on a loop).
Equipment:
Electrical tape
Method:
Wear clothes
Wrap electrical tape round and round and round your chest under your breasts. The underside of your breasts is now supported, as with a bra only nicer. Add a strip to either side, reaching from under-breast tape to armpit.
For extra loveliness, you will find you want to use a beautifully coloured tape, such as brown or red or blue, to add straps and other details. Do this. Don't use googly eyes or other stupid stuff.




You will find this will suffice.
Dance.

The Girl Who Does Collections

Following my proposal to Hastings Borough Council regarding the regeneration of Hastings' Pier, which, incidentally, they have not replied to (I can only assume this is because they are still researching as to whether lions or bears are the animals which do/don't eat you when you stare them in the eye - I do hope that nobody has been mauled or injured in any way during this research task), I have been patiently waiting for the shortbread tins which will render the pier fireproof and avoid another occurrence of massive scary fire and unprecedented levels of local distress. Today, I received a tweet from @candyflippa. She has kindly kicked off the collection with a rather fetching traditionally styled Scottish shortbread barrel. I am hoping the lid could be used for decorative effect on top of one of the turrets in which I plan to keep the lions/bears. I have acquired several useful items myself, mostly from my own cupboards. Oh, what treasures cupboards hold! A Marks and Spencer tin depicting snowmen and children killing each other (some of the scenes have faded, so I am unsure as to whether this description is wholly accurate); a tobacco tin depicting blackened lungs and death (not strictly shortbread, but I shall cover it with tartan paper); a roll of bright blue electrical tape, the outside of which is covered in biscuit crumbs; a padlock for which I cannot recall the combination, but will be useful for the tin gates at the entrance to the pier; and a misshapen fork. So, friends, anything you feel will be useful to get this gig rolling will be gratefully received. 

Outstanding.